Good Girl, I’m nervous about dating and being a Good Girl since so many guys expect sex or even to hug or kiss when I don’t even know them. What do I do?
Dear Kim, It is scary at first to be true to yourself and have virtue. Moral clarity and moral courage take time to develop. Here are a few tips. If your gut says to not respond to the guy or go out with him, listen to your gut. Be well rested, healthy and completely sober – no alcohol – on your dates. Only meet in pubic places in the daytime where you feel safe. If a man tries to hug or kiss, be firm and honest, pay attention when he comes in for a hug or cheek kiss when you say "Thank you for expressing affection towards me however I’m not comfortable with touching yet". Does he get angry? Make a joke? Make you feel bad? How does he handle your "No"? A man who is attracted to you and cares about you will want to touch you constantly - however, if he cares about you and is mature, he will control himself and not touch you until you are comfortable. If he is immature or doesn't care about you, he will give you a guilt trip, get angry or ignore your requests altogether and touch you. Seeing how a man handles your authentic "no" (i.e. you are not making something up to test him, you mean it) tells you a lot about him. Part of him will think, "bitch" but hopefully the bigger part of him will be relieved that you love yourself and your values more than you care about pleasing him and it must always be that way. Remember, real men fall in love when they give, protect and cherish so you need to be passive, patient, vulnerable, appreciative and respectful but still have a firm "No". Try to go out with at least three different men in a week instead of three dates with one guy. Keep the other DNA going up your nose even if you like one better than the others. Do that until you feel comfortable getting engaged (you've seen his money, gone to church, seen him get angry, met his family, seen his home, watched him handle things when you are upset), do your negative feelings come before his? GG
Dear Good Girl, What does a man mean when he says he wants a low maintenance, independent woman?
Dear Susan, Beware of any man who wants a "low maintenance" or "independent" woman. Guys like Porsches that require special fuel, need constant attention but the car is worth it. A guy looking for low maintenance is lazy. They often want free sex and nurturing. A great guy doesn't care how high maintenance you are because he likes giving to you. Independent sounds like a compliment but usually he is saying he doesn't want to pay any of your bills and he'll be stingy (or he's broke) and he'll want to split lunch. Any guy who asks if you will split the tab - the only response is "If I split this it will be the last time we ever go out" it likely is the last time anyway. GG
Dear Good Girl, There is this totally handsome guy in my class and I want to go out with him. A lot of girls in class like him but I think I can get him. Isn’t a good-looking guy a great catch?
Heidi Be aware that any guy with traditional good looks may expect to be fawned over versus providing for you. He is looking for a mother to take care of him since he's always found women willing to serve him due to his being handsome. Some ordinary guy who makes a living is way better. GG
Dear Good Girl,
Joanie Good lord. The guys who need to exchange 5 emails and then say "I'll call you over the weekend" versus picking up the phone and just doing it are mammas boys who ask permission to breathe and need too much mothering and encouragement. The less a man says and the more he does the better. Men are either talkers or doers. You get a primary talker or a primary doer. GG.
Dear Good Girl, How long should I talk with a man the first time he calls? One time I talked to a guy for a couple of weeks for hours and hours and then he just stopped calling.
Stacy, A man who likes you and is ready to meet a girl will not waste your time on the phone. Wimpy guys tend to want to be pen pals or phone buddies. They are too insecure to just ask you out, or not that interested in meeting you. A Good man who is ready and serious about you will ask you out in less than 7-8 minutes and pick a comfortable place and time to meet. He’ll want to see you as soon as possible, maybe even that day. If a guy is asking personal or uncomfortable questions or droning on and on, don’t get sucked in. When your watch hits 8 minutes, say, “Thank you for calling” and get off the phone. He isn’t ready or isn’t that into you. But someone will be. Next. GG
Dear Good Girl, I’m concerned since many men seem to be into internet pornography. Should I be scared if a man likes it? What do you think?
No text Tracy
Dear Tracy, Yes. Very scared and concerned. Do not date a man who is interested in pornography. It is a deal breaker for Good Girls. If a man is into pornographic material, he is not fit to court a woman, marry or be a dad. I have heard stories from women who later became Good Girls as a result of a very negative experience with a man who was into pornography. In general, men and boys who view pornography often treat women like porn actresses. These “men” will hit, slap, spit on you during sex and many women have told me they are physically bruised and emotionally upset by the violent and degrading experience and feel dirty. Men who grow up viewing pornographic material do not know real women. Pornography can hurt a guy’s brain like cocaine and ruin a marriage. It is not healthy for you to be around. GG
Dear Good Girl, I guy called me and asked me out on my voicemail. But, I didn’t get home from my mom’s until 10:00pm. My best friend said I should have called him back that night but I didn’t and she said that was rude. What do you think?
Dear Sleepy Sandra, The Good Girl Lady decorum is to return a gentleman’s call within 24 hours if you are able. If course, if you are out of the country or sick, you cannot. No sending emails or phone calls to men after 8:00pm. It rings of familiarity and "booty call". Respond between 9am and 8pm your time. A gentleman will not call after 8:30pm. Please order a copy of "The List" by the 2 sisters (7 things he'll do within 30 days if he's going to marry you) and read it asap!!! Get it from Longfellow books today. It guides you on the internet and actual dating. Great book. GG