The movies tell women that chemistry is when you meet a guy you get all weak kneed and your heart races and you think he is the sexiest man ever and your body wants to kiss him or have sex with him right away. That is incorrect and dangerous. All that means is that biologically, your bodies might make healthy babies. It is not real, romantic chemistry. Some women will even feel this type of animal chemistry for a man because he is rich or famous or an athlete. That is not Good Girl chemistry, but it is animal body chemistry seeking survival. When we choose based on survival, we don’t end up with happily ever after.
When you are on a date with a man who is chastely courting you because he cares about you and wants to marry you (Not pressuring you for touch, kissing, fornication or sodomy), if the idea of him touching you or kissing you makes your skin crawl or makes you feel grossed out, then you do not have chemistry with him. After you go out with him 2-3 times, you should say, “Joe, Thank you so much for taking me out and being so generous. I appreciate all you have done for me. However, I do not feel enough chemistry for a romantic relationship and I do not want to use you or lead you on.”
However, if you feel relaxed, engaged and comfortable in your skin, and you enjoy talking to the man who is courting to you, that means you have chemistry potential with the man. If two hours flies by and you barely notice the time passing, that is chemistry potential with the man. Men’s chemistry and women’s chemistry is different. Healthy Good Girl chemistry develops in women over a period of 3-6 months when a man calls and keeps his word with us and takes care of us. He treats for dates, he gets the door, and he is acting as a protector, provider and cherisher towards us. He is devoted and adores us. Our inner Good Girls starts to wonder what it would feel like to have him hold our hand or kiss us, and that is true romantic chemistry. True, virtuous romantic chemistry develops in Good Girls who keep their virtue tank filled. It leads to long lasting, happy marriages and the Fairy Tale. However, acting on animal chemistry leads to disappointment, possibly a roof over your head but no love and no fairytale.
When a Good Girl waits until marriage to have sex, she bonds with oxytocin after she has built her inner sanctum with a Good Man who loves her very much for who she is. The Good Man has chemically bonded by having to chase the Good Girl and he bonds with the release of vasopressin that his male body releases over time that he DOESN’T get sex while chasing her.
Good Girls must pick a man with their entire nervous system versus their eyes alone. The cute guy often turns into heartbreak.
Norepinephrine is made by your body and can be called the “longing” hormone or the pain hormone. Let’s say your Daddy left your home when you were a little girl and you always missed Daddy. Your body got comfortable with longing and suffering. You have history of pining after the guy who doesn’t know you are alive while you think any guy who likes you is “too nice, too available or not your type”. You could really like a guy, and when he liked you back, you lose interest and aren’t attracted to him anymore. What do you do? Just be a Good Girl and don’t chase men. Pray and accept that it might feel awkward at first to have a great guy like you, love you and be there for you, but you will get more comfortable.
If a guy likes a girl and she sleeps with him quickly and outside of marriage, her female body feels married to him and he stops, yes, stops, falling in love with her and stops bonding to her. Then, she starts pursing him, he feels pressured and calls her needy. She wants to know, “Where is this going” and he wants to get away. If she had a) kept being courted by other men and b) didn’t have sex with him she could have possibly ended up happily married to the guy. But, she messed it up. The only thing to do is apologize to the man for not showing good virtue, stop having sex with him and go 60-days without dating other men. If he doesn’t want to get engaged and get married, go back to seeing other men and chastely.
A man sees a woman’s beauty through the keyhole of her virtue. So, he sees her as more and more beautiful each day she is virtuous. That is why, if she fornicates with another man while he is married to her or dating her, he no longer feels the same love for her or even sees her as beautiful anymore. Her virtue was a large part of her beauty. And, if she compromises her self-respect for him, he sees her as less beautiful.